11 months!

334 days. Oakley is 11 months old. He will be a whole year old in just 31 days. I can't believe how fast my baby is growing up, and yet this year seems to be full already. He's progressing so quickly now. He sits up for bits at a time, he babbles, he can sign mom, dad, all done, and he can wave. He is becoming so tactile, has to touch everything, and he's started trying to put everything in his mouth too. He loves tv, pictures, mirrors, and things he can make noise with.
As of this morning,  he is 30 inches long, has 7 teeth (he's working on number 8 really hard), has a 44 cm head circumference (17. 32 inches),  4 1/2 inch feet, and he's 8.5 kg (18 lbs, 11.8 oz).  So, for comparison,  he's between the 50th and 75th percentiles for length, between the 5th and 10th for weight, and below the 5th percentile for his head. We stopped putting his helmet on, because it was leaving marks that would last several hours, and it left his right eyelid puffy and red for days, but it seems to be filling out on it's own with positioning.

Sorry about the delay

So, we haven't gotten internet set up at our house yet, so I'm breaking down and posting this from my phone! So much has happened since our last post. Oakley had to get a helmet, because he favored one side and his head got lop-sided, so as of today, he has to wear a head shaping helmet 23 hours a day for the next 3-4 months!
He's gone back and forth on weight gain, he had a lot of diarrhea starting a few weeks ago, and started vomiting on non-Bactrim days (he is now off Bactrim and on a different med that doesn't make him pukey). They tested his poop to see if he was getting enough or too much of his pancreatic enzymes, and to check for some viruses, and his fecal elastase came back normal-so he no longer needs his enzymes (the bone marrow transplant is starting to make some awesome changes in our little boy)! We also found out that he got Rotavirus, which causes diarrhea and sometimes vomiting. His body seems to be doing ok fighting it on it's own right now, so he's not on steroids or antivirals for it. We pray that he continues to be able to fight it without them.
He has been having times of intolerance on his feeds, and since he's off his TPN (total parental nutrition), we really need him to start accepting his food better. They have him on a constant rate of 40-50 ml's per hour through his NG(nasalgastric)tube. When he's at 50, he starts to vomit sometimes, and since his main goal is to gain weight, we don't want him puking. When he does puke, it looks like he might be aspirating (inhaling) some of it. Long term, this is dangerous, because he will be at risk for pneumonia constantly. To better determine if he is aspirating, they mixed grape juice concentrate with his food. He's on Vivonex formula right now, to try to maintain his triglycerides and help him gain weight. So far, he's done very well, only a miniscule amount has been detected in his trach suctionings.
Trevor got a job at Carpet Barn, and it's slow, but he's doing pretty well there. He does seem to be a sickness magnet though, we've been ill off and on since we've been back.
We have tons to do if we're quarantined from Oakley though. Since February 8th, we've torn out all of our carpets and replaced them with vinyl plank flooring, we've scrubbed all the walls and repainted them, we put Killz down on our subfloor before putting down the planks, we replaced our water heater, had disaster cleanup dry 8" of water from our crawl space, cleared out our storage unit, and had a sewer main line break! We've kind of had our hands full. Luckily, we haven't had to do it alone! My cousins helped lay flooring, my grandparents brought their trailer and helped empty the storage unit, they painted and floored and cleaned, my grandpa and dad loaded up the water heater and installed it, then helped tear out carpet, my parents have been over many weekends helping to floor, patch drywall, pull toilets, unplug lines, and tons more! They even brought a bunch of students from Nampa Christian to help paint and clean up rocks! Trevor's cousins came down and fixed the broken pipe that caused the 8" of water, resecured vent ducts, and found and fixed another leaking pipe we didn't even know about! Our brothers helped tear out linoleum and carpet, and pull up wood floors and particle board that was stapled and glued to the subfloor. Rob and Jenn have helped take stuff to the dump, scrubbed walls, rip out carpet, and lend us their shop vac to finish the job.   
We are so happy to be home and surrounded by so many caring family members who've traded their weekends and days off for helping us out.
We should find out Oakley's chimerisms soon, and he'll be 11 months old in just a couple of days, so I promise I'll post again soon!

Oakley can shake it!

Don't actually have time for a real post. We've been going nonstop since we got back. Here are some pics. I'll update for reals soon!

100 days

We made it. We get to go back to Boise. It's nothing like we had pictured it, but it'll work for now.
A lot can happen in 100 days. 6 teeth, hair loss and hair growth, nearing death, and reaching for life. Oakley will be 300 days old in 6 more days. That means over a third of his life has been post-transplant.  It seems weird the way our time is moving.  It seems like I am missing out on his entire baby phase and that he's growing faster than a morning glory on one hand, and then it's as if time is standing still on the other. It's like we're still waiting for the moment that beung a family becomes reality. I still rarely feel like I'm a mom. Yes, I gave birth, and I fight for him every single day, but I'm scared that we missed out in too much of the bonding time that is so crucial to new moms. You know how brand new moms have those nights where they are exhausted, because the baby cries nonstop unless mom is holding them? I've never had one of those. What I have had is sleepless nights because Oakley has decided not to breathe, or because a nurse is visibly terrified of Oakley and his medical needs...but those don't seem like bonding moments to me. Warriors aren't maternal, even if they're fighting for you. That's more what I feel like I've become. I am a mercenary,  ready to strike at a moment's notice. I am a soldier, but my training didn't prepare me. I am a sniper, but I ended up in the thick of battle, not perched above with my sights on the enemy. It's hard to tell who the enemy is from this vantage. I feel blindsided by "allies" and those who were the most reluctant in delivering excellent care have turned into exceptional resources.
I hope so desperately that Boise is the haven I remember. I hope that my mental exhaustion hasn't utopianised it too much. I know we are not headed back to our beloved NICU that became our family and home; but I yearn for the familiarity of the hospital that saved our lives. I beg for the comfort of my region's nourishment and flavor. I need a glass of wine and some mindless gossip with a girlfriend to distract my brain from all the medical terminology that has become my lexicon.

When I wander too far from the paths my feet know
It seems my brain goes into overload
I long for the place where my body leads me home
Where memory drives my steps to my humble abode.
They say "home is where the heart is," and it rings a little true
But I challenge you to find solace when your GPS is all that guides you
Compass roses are exciting, but not very homey
And though I have my loved ones, I still feel so lonely
I say instead that home is where your mind can be at ease
Where your feet guide your body while your mind dreams above the trees

Swing Low

We're coming home!!! Oakley and I (Sam) fly to Boise on Thursday,  February 7th. Trevor will be toting the car and our stuff with help from his stepdad Rob, and his wife Jenn. We are sad to be leaving some of our extended family that we have gotten to see, and sad to leave IKEA,  but we are SO excited for everything else! Oakley is doing great with his trach,  and they will switch it out on Monday. When they do the swap,  I'll be allowed to hold him again! I didn't get to on my birthday,  but I will be making up for it!
Oakley cut his 5th tooth on my birthday,  and he's working on his 6th. He has had some more allergic reactions, so we hope the allergist can see him before we leave to help us figure out what's causing them. The nutritionist measured him yesterday,  and he is 72.5 cm tall now, he has grown 10 cm since we got to Seattle! We're still working on chubbing him up, but at least he's growing!

Tracheostomy, tracheotomy

Oakley had his tracheostomy done today (that's what the actual hole, or stoma, is called) so he now has a tracheotomy (the bypassing of his trachea with a tube in his throat).
He had some granuloma around where his intubation tube was rubbing at his voice box, but they decided it would be best to go ahead with the trach, and give it time to heal as much as possible on its own. He also had some stenosis at his voice box, basically the cartilage ring has some collapse,  making it oblong instead of round.
It's hard to say for sure what all this means, as it was all caused by being intubated for so long. It may mean that he will need the trach for several years, and that it will be very hard for him to come off ventilation support.  Oakley doesn't seem to mind the trach so far...he is just thrilled to have full range of motion with his tongue again!
They're working out the kinks with Boise, and the countdown has begun! 9 more days til home!

This is a post about my hate for Seattle

So, when my parents were here, they kept asking Trevor and I what we wanted to do, where we want to eat, etc. My answer, "I hate this town. I hate the food, so I don't want to pick."
(It was) Not very nice of me, and definitely not productive, but quite telling of my attitude nowadays. My dad, half-jokingly, told me I hate so many things about this place, I should keep a log of all the things I hate so that I don't forget.
I'm not only going to do it, I'm going to try to illustrate it.
Sorry if Seattle is your favorite...
In no particular order:
I hate driving here. There are many reasons for this; city busses, pedestrians, PEDESTRIANS (apparently crosswalks are optional and these people didn't learn to look both ways before stepping out into the street),  bicycles (even in the freaking rain), rain, inept drivers (these are not unique to Seattle though), people park in the street, literally blocking the lane at night and on weekends, really skilled drivers who can cut you off when you have less than a car-length between you and the car in front of you, lack of posted speed limits, and people either drive 10 under or 20 over the speed limit, no in between. This is possibly because this city had the brilliant idea of variable speed limits, which can change at the drop of a pin, so the guy in front of you is following a 50 MPH speed limit, while you are adhering to a 30 or 60.

traffic. pretty sunset, but ugly gridlock.

Also (these are dislikes but not necessarily hates); motorcyclists are required to wear helmets (let those who ride decide!), the seat belt tickets here are way higher than at home (I wear mine anyway, but they even make you buckle up on the shuttle bus here), bicyclists are required to wear helmets (see my motorcycle aside), it's against the law to talk on your cellphone while driving (unless using handsfree-now, I have to divert my eyes much more to initiate using speakerphone for a call than holding my phone whilst driving), and there are homeless people begging at stoplights all the time. Real homeless...like, if you give them a half eaten apple, they'll wipe it off and eat the rest (I didn't do this, but I witnessed it). It's sad. And then there is a toll road that doesn't tell you how much it charges, because they change the cost depending on traffic, time of day, etc. You get a bill in the mail for it, so you don't even find out for weeks!

I'm not a sea-bird, I don't like fish.

yeah, I know Seattle's on the waterfront

I hate the food. I am not usually too picky, but I can't handle this place. Everything is seafood (wonder why, it's not like it's a giant port on the ocean...but still), or vegetarian, or vegan, or pescatarian. I am none of these things. I don't buy organic groceries, because pesticides are lesser than the evil of earwigs to me. I don't think anyone should pay more than $20 for a pizza, but there are pizza places here that are upwards of double that! No one knows what fry sauce is, and there is apparently, no such thing as finger steaks here either. I did not know these were regional foods, and I also thought that Idaho was in the same region anyway...apparently not.

Frosted Flakes, but whole wheat, not corn...because they're healthy

raw pork at the bottom of our food...we found it after we ate.

 We were spoiled in Boise. Our hospital fed nursing moms, because the moms were providing the food for the patient. That is not the case here. I got trays for 3 days, and I did not have any input as to what was brought. To be fair, it was so gross that I wouldn't eat here anyway, but the hassle of leaving the hospital everyday to eat is a hassle, because it means I have to leave Oakley.

Also, this hospital is sugar free...except in the Starbucks. They don't serve regular soda, and the vending machines have "healthier" choices. I prefer diet anyway, just thought it was weird. All the parents complain about the saccharin and phenylalanine on the Cancer floor, because they are all paranoid that their kid is going to end up with...wait, never-mind.

The weather is not great, but I actually do not hate it. I hate the way they drive in it and the way it affects the roads and sidewalks. The only real dissapointment I've had with Seattle weather is that we haven't seen snow yet, and our Christmas was drab because of it. The leaves all stink, because they're everywhere and they are soggy, and home is covered in snow, so I am a teeny bit jealous. However, I would HATE to drive with these folks on icy or snowy roads...so perhaps it is better that the weather has been so mild.

You have to pay for grocery bags. It's stupid, because I don't hate the earth, but I feel like I would be more inclined to use my re-usable shopping bags if it were my idea, and not the city's. It's only 5 or 10 cents a bag, and if I were in Oregon, I would say that it evens out because they don't have sales tax, but the sales tax here is 9 1/2%! They're getting us every which way we turn (toll road pun?)! The bags you receive are then these huge, bulky paper bags that you cannot easily stuff into your purse to re-use later, so you recycle them and pay 10 cents next time too.

I'm not trendy enough for this place

I'm going to go back to the homeless people here for a second, because there are also non-homeless hustlers that seem to be drawn to Trevor in a huge way. He has been stopped on more than one occasion by the SAME guys who want money from him. I love Trevor because he is so personable and talks to anyone. I HATE that Trevor is so personable that he talks to ANYONE, even if it means we are late or miss our bus. Every time that we go downtown, we get stopped (because Trevor cannot walk past someone who strikes up a conversation) and people beg for money. I have gotten to the point where I pull Trevor away while explaining our predicament, and letting them know we don't have money to give them, but I don't like stepping out of my comfort zone and talking to strangers. It's sad, because even if half of them are panhandling swindlers, some of them are very mentally ill, and the sketchy ones usually end up receiving more. Also, because we're so far north, it starts getting dark at 4 pm, so it always seems unsafe!

The rest of my distaste for this place is situational. It is not Seattle's fault for having a hospital that has been incapable of delivering the level of care that I expect, living in a first-world country. It is not Seattle's fault that most of the families sharing the communal living space at the Ronald McDonald house are self-serving and have complexes that lead them to believe that the world owes them something. Thievery is common at RMH because people think they deserve something for nothing, because of the hands they've been dealt. They also do not feel the need to clean up after themselves or their children, they have no qualms about going through our laundry (yeah, Trevor caught a family picking my clothes our of our laundry, and they didn't even apologize when he called them out on it!), and they seem to be irreverent to posted rules.

too many people

Seattle has many things to offer, and if I were on a vacation here, I'm sure I would enjoy it. Being here under my current circumstances, however, do not show the enjoyable side. It's too trendy to be hospitable, and I cannot wait to get back to my land of wide lanes, driveways, garages, and pedestrians who look both ways before crossing the road!